May’s memo to Hammond: ‘It better be fucking funny’

The Laughless Chancellor

SWAN BAKE

A leaked email has revealed Theresa May told Philip Hammond to ‘at least tell some fucking jokes’ in his Budget speech adding ‘they had better be good because we are shit’.

Theresa May laughing Experts say some of the robots have begun to malfunction.

The email was a reply to one from the Chancellor setting out how the Conservative Party’s ‘targets and achievements since election’ would look following the Budget, which read:

‘1. Promise not to raise National Insurance.

2. Raise National Insurance.

3. Promise a ‘society that works for everyone’.

4. Take £2bn from mid-to-low earners and especially from base-rate taxpayers, while my predecessor earns £650,000 a year working four days a month.

5. Promise [ahead of 2015 election] ‘Britain faces a simple and inescapable choice – stability and strong government with the Conservatives, or chaos with Ed Milliband.’

6. Massively fuck it like you would not believe.’

Cameron election tweet Nice one, Dave.

The…

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