Thought for the day | Philip Hammond: ‘Please help me to stop speaking.’

That’s funny!

SWAN BAKE

Official_portrait_of_Mr_Philip_Hammond_crop_2

Today, I am launching a crowdfund page to raise the money for an operation to sew my mouth closed.

An extreme measure, yes, but also the only way to protect us all from volcanic-like eruption of idiocy that occurs when it is opened.

At this very moment, I feel the ignorance rising like magma within me. The pressure is building, forcing some new, bewilderingly misinformed proclamation towards my lips until it explodes into the atmosphere like a toxic cloud.

Disabled people are lazy.

There. You see? It won’t be long until there is another one.

Help me, please. Just a small donation could help close this portal into an alternative world of boundless insensitivity.

How will I eat? With difficultly. A bit like the unemployed, I suppose.

If there were any.

I’ve done it again, haven’t I?

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If you say David Davis should now resign, you’re thinking too small

#GEJanuary18 is needed✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️

TheCritique Archives

by Martin Odoni

Irrespective of whether we think Brexit is a good idea or a bad one, there can be no escaping the reality that its execution is going incredibly badly. After Monday’s utterly shambolic wall-crash over finding a new settlement for the Irish border – perhaps the single most important conundrum that needs solving – matters somehow plumbed even danker depths today. David Davis, Secretary of State for Exiting The European Union, finally revealed in Parliament what many of us had been suspecting for weeks.

Answering questions from the House Of Commons Exiting the EU Committee, Davis admitted that neither he nor anyone else inthe Government had carried out the so-called ‘Brexit Impact Assessments’ i.e. the many complex and detailed calculations about how leaving the EU is going to affect British society, particularly its economy. This was after over a year of his repeated assurances to the House…

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See 20 years of FAKE NEWS about EU by UK press. Vote for your ‘favourite’ here:

Pride's Purge

Forget about Russian meddling or US companies pushing fake and ‘dark’ news on the internet to influence the Brexit vote.

Fake news to influence the UK public to vote for Brexit has mostly come from our very own so-called professional journalists right here in the UK.

Here’s a list of fake news by the UK press over the last 20 years. Every single story here has been debunked as fake news.

It’s hard to pick just one but my personal favourites are Euronotes cause impotence‘ by the Daily Mail and ‘EU puts speed limit on children’s roundabouts‘ from the always entertaining Daily Express.

Read through the list and vote for your own ‘favourite’ in the comments section below – the most popular will win a ‘prize’for ‘Most Ridiculous EU Fake News’.

Enjoy (or maybe despair):

EC regulations to ban playgrounds – Daily Express

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Thought for the day – David Davis, Brexit Secretary: ‘The bear never chases an animal it can see running away.’

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

SWAN BAKE

Official_portrait_of_Mr_David_Davis

By now, you will all be aware of my hoarding of secrets about Brexit’s impact on the economy, lest Brussels should know that we are weak and use it against us at the negotiating table.

Now, you may argue that this very public display of fear itself weakens our position. That Juncker will think, ‘My God. He’s so afraid of handing those reports to the Brexit select committee that he’d rather face contempt of parliament. They must say that Britain is fucked. They will do anything we want.’

But you would be wrong, and I will tell you why. Consider stumbling upon a bear in a forest. It’s hungry but may not have knowledge of humans and how easy we are to kill. So, do you stand where you are, showing it yourself, as if you have nothing to fear? Will that make the animal cautious? Will its survival instincts…

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New track ‘Sons and Daughters’ from Captain Ska

21centurymanifesto

Download from Friday 15 December
#ToriesOutForXmas

Captain Ska, the band behind this summer’s viral smash hit Liar Liar GE2017, a scathing attack on Theresa May and her government released just before the General Election, have today announced they’ll be joining the race for the Christmas charts with their new track Sons and Daughters.

Band member Jake Painter said the new song reflects a “new mood of hope” following what he described as “a disastrous election for Theresa May and the Conservative Party”. Adding “It looks like it won’t be long before we see the end of this government and it couldn’t come soon enough. We hope the song can give a boost to all those who have suffered under this government and who want to see a better world.”

The new song highlights growing homelessness and inequality which has risen since the Conservative Party took power. It accuses the newspapers…

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Video: Pow! Tory MP claims we’ve never had it so good. McDonnell responds

The SKWAWKBOX

pow.pngTory MP Rebecca Pow

Somerset Tory MP Rebecca Pow thinks we’ve never had it so good. She said so in the House of Commons this morning.

Ms Pow regaled MPs with a tale of how the grateful people of Taunton Deane tell her they’ve got more money in their pockets than ever, and how the Tories are responsible for this supposed prosperity.

Chancellor John McDonnell, gently but firmly, had to remind the out-of-touch Tory of the reality of life faced by huge numbers of people in this country – including millions of children in poverty, many of them in spite of having family members in work:

Original video by @EL4JC. Subtitled version by SKWAWKBOX

It’s not even as if Ms Pow’s own constituency contains no poverty. According to Taunton Deane Borough Council’s Health and Wellbeing strategy document:

  • 14.6% of Taunton Deane households are in fuel poverty
  • Taunton Deane has…

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